Why women don’t want “Nice Guys”?
Posted by: sharen sia in Heartbreak, Relationship and Love |
Does that mean jerks finish last? We hear it all the time “He treated her like a queen, and she’s just heartless for dumping him”. Why women dump a guy who is kind, considerate, generous, and willing to do just about anything for her? Does that mean woman want jerks who don’t open door for her, don’t buy her roses and do all the opposite she tells him? No, women wants an equal, caring partner and not an insecure nice guy.
Don’t get me wrong. I may not represent all the women out there and not all women walk over nice guys, there’s some and it’s not fair that all women get placed into that category. So, What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. Nice guy are just so anxious of being liked and love and they will do almost anything to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving.
What Nice Guys thinks they did it right:.
1) They are inconfident and afraid she may dissapear or become attracted to someone else, so they cling to her always.
2) They are indecisive and always asking her to make the decisions. They afraid being blame if the decision was an unwise one.
3) They don’t have want, need and expect in the relationship. They just give in and rarely speak up when something bothers them because they fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship.
4) They claimed that she is a difficult person and should be thankful to him by saying “no one will ever love her as much as I do.” just because they think they will never meet anyone as special as she is.
5) They believe that he is the best person otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear.
6) They thinks that by “giving in with all efforts and sacrifice”, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more.
After going through the 6 points above, if you are woman, do you prefer such a Nice Guy? I always believe that “No woman will leave a man if he is such a nice guy”, there must be a reason behind and yet the reason is pretty clear sometimes. Although Nice Guys have his temper and do quarrel, but at the end they will do whatever in his power to give in and change, but the more he is willing to change and give in, it makes women felt guilty, demanding and selfish and in turn they(women) hated themselves.In such reaction, this is where the decision of ending the relationship come from. They need someone who can speak for themseleve and stand up to their deman. The ultimate truth here is that Nice Guys just don’t love themselves, women need someone who’ll love himself more. In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Let’s be very truthful now. Stop saying “I’m such a nice guy, why did she has to leave me “. Hope you really get what it mean.
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December 16th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
I agree with u totally on the last sentence! A guy must love himself before he can love a lady! So he will be selfish sometime! So sometime I am not ‘nice’!!! He! He! Have a nice day!
December 17th, 2007 at 2:19 am
err I dun think so. Since if he love himself so much that he may neglect what his other partners may actually need. But my guess is woman like challenge. Some bad boy is a challenge and she may feel it will be a achievement to hook up with him. Its the same with guy. A Mr Nice Guy won’t be much appreciated by a gal since she finds him too easy to keep by her side. Just my 2 cents opinion
December 17th, 2007 at 10:37 am
I wrote about this before and given the fact I am one of those nice guys, I can give my perspective of it the way it is.
All guys, whether they are nice or not are insecure. Most macho men hide their insecurity behind their ego. That’s the way it is. That’s how they deal with it. It’s not that they don’t have it, it’s just that they are not used to dealing with it that openly. In stark contrast, the “emo” or metrosexual culture where men are in touch with their feelings is also bad because being in touch with their emotions doesn’t mean you leave it that way. You still need to deal with it.
Now I’m one of those guys that wears my emotions on my sleeves. The women that I attract are not attracted to the fact I wear my emotions on my sleeves, but have the ability to deal with what emotions are out there. Sensitivity isn’t just about putting out your own shit, but understanding what another person is going through.
So at the end of the day, despite being emotional, I still am confidant in wearing those emotions. I’m confidant in dealing with other people’s emotions. I tough it up when I need to. I open up when I want to.
Women like that middle ground. Most people get the wrong idea and go opposing ends on the extreme.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Oh man..no more mr nice guy
Maybe it’s true that this world is not fair at all.
Man in this age actually facing a real identity crisis.
to be the bad boyz or the nice guys.
So men out there, take your best choice
December 17th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I think this also applies to women? We also can’t be too nice else the guys would think we’re too indecisive etc?
December 17th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Some women dreams of getting a nice guy, yet some dump them into dustbin. Whatever it is, men can be nice but be realistic. Also, being youself would work the best. Nice guys often tries to fix the relationship, but women perceived another ways round, why fix something that is already broken, it’s not perfect anymore.
These type of women only make guys wonder why be a good guy when all they want is a real mean guy who plays with their feelings and dump them?
December 17th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
this is an universal rule la…
December 18th, 2007 at 1:54 am
Either men or women, it’s much depend on who emotionally dominate in the relationship. If you treated him/her too well, their ego will bloated up, then you are caught being slave treating him/her like prince/princess.
You don’t have to 100% dominate in the relationship. Like the post has mentioned “Women wants an equal, caring partner and not an insecure nice guy.”
Equality in physical, mental and emo.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
this is an intriguing article u got here my friend and ur right… a guy must be able to love himself first before even trying to love a woman and showing her with respect.
December 21st, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Hi, a very true perspective of a nice guy, a nice guy has to have greater security, not desiring to have a relationship, that he has to sacrifice all his values and demands.
In a relationship, important to give and take, and a nice guy need to learn to take more! confronting for the sake of the relationship.
Great article,thx for sharing!
February 17th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I’m so sick of hearing about nice guys and all the bad insecure boo sh+++t that these twisted females are saying about ugys who are “nice”. This is the real deal. Both male and female need to stop the power trips and define for self what you need and require from a relationship. No games, no BS. Everyone seems to to jockey for a power play position, to make the person this or that. Where did this twisted way of treating a person come from. The love and devotion of another human is a GREAT gift and should not be taken for granted.
A Real Man
June 9th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Nice article !!
At last I know the reason why my girlfriend (also my best friend, a girl), felt insecure with me.
But I think the point is balance, man should keep a balance between himself and his girlfriend. That will be better..
Thanks..
June 10th, 2008 at 7:22 am
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July 2nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
[...] Why women don’t want “Nice Guys”? (actually vice versa..haha..) [...]
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
Wow.. What a great topic!.. i’m definately coming back for more
September 13th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Man, whoever wrote this article is either extremely lazy or borderline illiterate. Some of the grammar and spelling is so sloppy I couldn’t even understand what was she was trying to say.