As the topic goes, if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs; Men and women can’t be real friends.
Do you agree? Before you start answering that, let us see conversation below about friendships between guys and gals raises the question made so popular by the movie, “When Harry Met Sally.”
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?
Harry: Great, friends. It’s the best thing…You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can’t be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don’t.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don’t.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You’re saying I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I’m saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don’t want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn’t matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Right? or Wrong?. Some argue that “The belief that men and women can’t be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance”. Others might think “Almost every time you see a male-female friendship, it winds up turning into romance.”
Let’s us see from a different perspective and group them:
Female in a relationship having close male friends:
Pretty much thought that friends are important, through your life you may have “best” friends who were male even in a relationship. Sometimes you may want to pull away from male friends, because they wanted more than friendship. There is a difference between lust and friendship and the difference is usually pretty clear. I understand that everyone needs friends, sometimes you need your male friends input and sometimes your girlfriends input.
But do bear in mind that you should keep distance between your male friend because you may sense little jealousy from your partner at times, it’s normal because they are human beings too. Just value your male friend as much as your female friend and don’t miss out your loved one. No matter how honest or sincere or harmless it may be, female in a relationship should be cautious when maintaining friendships with opposite sex. Understanding, trust and communication hold the important roles here.
Single female having close male friends:
You’re probably lying if you say, you don’t have any sexual attraction towards friends in different gender. Even if you don’t doesn’t mean he would think the same like you (I am referring to close friend and not hi-bye friend). Or else then why are you interested becoming his/her friends? Friends or lovers? You can’t gives the answers in the spot because you can’t explain how much you feel towards your partner. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but that feeling is not strong enough to date or marry them.
In one study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that men are more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and it could even deepen a friendship. Having said all that and getting back to the point, do you think “HE” can become my close friends forever? It’s a tough question to answer for you. You are the only who can answer that and time will tell.
True or false?
Entries (RSS)
November 13th, 2007 at 1:39 am
I would say Majority of guys will have that thought in mind. It’s not really guys always ask for sex, is by nature that we are program to think it that ways. For me both are important, sex and love.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Well, I have a female friend who’s rather close for 5 years now.
The main reason isn’t sex because she isn’t attractive to me.
She’s more of a tomboy and we all treat her like another one of us.
So I think there can still be friendships among opposite genders but it would depend on individual personality.
November 13th, 2007 at 11:15 am
False of course. Really pity those ppl who hasnt found true frens yet.
November 13th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
Eh r u kenny sia’s sister ar?
Hmm.. I think 50/50 lah.. But personally there should be sexual tension between the guy and girl - esp the guy..
Like what Harry said, men is just like a beast with natural instinct.. 5000 years ago was like that, 5000 later which is today also like that..
That’s what I think…
November 13th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
i had one best “girl-friend”… nothing happen between us leh…
but the other gal @@.. dunno how to become close friend…
sure have something will happen between us… @@
November 14th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Very interesting notion….guess that this ‘debate’ has been goin on for ages.gotta agree that most men will always be thinkin about sex however there are true frenships(between boys and gals) formed which sex is not involved.have seen it and even ‘experienced’(friendship with a girl) it.kinda tough though.
But most of all it always depends on both parties of what they truly wants(friendship or love),and also lots of respect.
Personally,i feel that there could be true friendship formed between opposite sex….tough but rather possible!
November 18th, 2007 at 11:31 am
Dear Kenngoh,
Both Sex and love are important and irreplaceable, to a girl. i wonder how true it is in the pool of guys.
Dear Dickson,
I am happy for you also as you are lucky to have a close female friend, not many people do. So keep up the good friendship.
Dear Johnny,
Haha, u must have alot of friends. Guess your right, friends are important element in our life! Cheers
Dear Micheal,
That’s mean the typical Harry still exist of course. thank you and I agreed on you that guys are guys no matter what, when chemistry comes no one can stop it!
Dear Jimmy,
ooppsss..so is that anything happen yet? hhmms, is that because of chemistry reaction or the typical Harry’s thought :-p i admired your straightforwardness. haha..
Dear ACES F,
I like your comment and its really really tough to have a opposite sex bestfriend. However, somehow I managed to and I appreciate the friendship and strongly believed that nothing is goin to happen between us. haha People tends to talk about some inner thoughts with the “bestfriend” and the person knows you the best. sometimes its hard to even stop the person from having some weird feeling towards you, but i guess you know how to react next to keep the friendship.
Have a nice day guys!
November 27th, 2007 at 2:32 am
Harry(poter) is 100% right! , on the end male always think of how it would be just to sleep with her for one time….that is the most common thing male friends think, and do…
Ask your friend and if HE denies it he lies, unless a woman is really really ugly….in some way.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Bontb, second that .. but sadly to know the fact, some chinese girl here you can get without being friend, probably just a drink, they just love caucasian.
Reality is cruel and live with it, some girls just dont love themselves.
May 21st, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Dear Sharen Sia,
Hi, my name is antoni…
I want to ask for your comment from girl’s side , hope you can help me to find the solution..
I have one female friend, she is my colleague, initially i don’t have any feeling for her. We always get together, and we become a close friend, and i still don’t have any love feeling for her. But finally i got that feeling. And i managed to tell her about my feeling, but she said “our relationship can not go far more than a friend”, so now she is still my close friend.
But she felt too worried about this relationship, and keep a distance to me. she said that she worried that i’ll chase her again in the future, if this happen she afraid that she will hurt me more in the future.
But i dont think i’ll chase her again, because when a girl said “no”, it means “no”, and i dont want to force her.. so close friend is enough for me, but she still worried, and keep a distance from me..
This make me feel uncomfortable, because we are in the same office and this office just have 4 staff including me and her..
My wish is i want her to act like usual before i told my feeling to her. And because she is my close friend, she ought to act kindly towards me and it’s natural that she care for me. and i don’t have any strange feeling if she kind and care for me, because i know that she is my close friend. I think it’s the meaning of close friend..
But now she still keep a distance from me, even i told her that it’s OK, i don’t want to chase you anymore. Now my friendship with her become worse.How should i do to fix this relationship??
How about you?? what is the meaning a close friend between male and female?? is it possible to have this kind of relationship??
Actually i’ve ever had one female close friend (different girl with i mentioned above), and i also had already told my feeling to her, and we still become a close friend until now. so i believe that male and female can be close friend, but it depends on both person..
Thanks..
May 27th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Dear Antoni,
Appreciate your comment and thanks for sharing your story here. Thanks!
I agree with you that it all depends on the both parties. I personally think it is possible to grow a friendship between opposite sex, there’s nothing wrong at all.
Provided, the two of you have a mutual understanding for each other, eg Talk to her and discuss with her, reassure to her that you just wanna to remain as a FRIEND to her.
In the awkward situation, she might not able to accept the fact at first that you just wanna be her friend. Most probably, what she needs is some TIME to adjust to it.
I m sure you can make a different in your Friendship!
Thanks
Regards,
Sharen
May 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Dear Sharen,
Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it and really help me much. Thanks..
I already talked and discussed this matter to her, and she’s now understand about my feeling and she’s now trying to trust me. And I agree with you that it was just about the TIME for her to adjust to it..
Now i understand that not most of girls want to have that kind of relationship with boys. Some enjoy and some feel afraid to hurt boys feeling if have this kind of relationship..
Anyway thanks a lot for your comment…
Regards,
Antoni
May 31st, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Hi Antoni,
I felt happy for you too and also your courage. Wishfully you will soon get your “MISS RIGHT’.
Hope to see ya around. Do drop me messages if your available.
Thanks!!
Sharen
September 9th, 2008 at 10:18 am
in my that every one need some time some relax from other
incase opposit sexual is